laceblade

Have had littlebutfierce here the past few days, and was able to drop them off at the Concourse and get four hours of work in today.

I'd planned to go to the Guest of Honor readings at A Room of One's Own, but then was too anxious to do so.

After the time had passed by which I could reasonably make it, I then cried in bed for a while. Unclear why I am anxious in the first place, but have decided I'm not leaving the apartment for tonight.

I think I wish I had gone Up North instead, where at least I could somewhat function.

In October 2011, I signed up for the program through my work where they take pre-tax money out of your paycheck & set it aside to be used to pay for health care stuff.

I added up how much I would spend during 2012 based on the medical appointments & medications I'd been taking, and decided on an amount, & signed up.

Unfortunately, you can only sign up for the year in October, & once you decide how much to contribute, you can't change it.

When I signed up in October 2011, I didn't know I was going to be having surgery in January 2012.
The surgery ended up changing my body (eventually) so that I didn't need most of the medications I'd been taking.

I was able to continue spending the money until March 15, 2013. BUT. I ended up losing hundreds of dollars (almost $1k?!) that I'll never get back, simply because my estimation turned out wrong, because the needs of my body changed.

I also feel annoyed that I could not use the money to pay for the St. John's Wort I buy & take on a regular basis (actually my most expensive pill!).
I did get a massage done at GHC to help with my upper back pain, but I could have only gotten reimbursed for that if I had procured a doctor's note?

Guess who loathes doctor's appointments & interaction with medical professionals?! THIS GIRL.


Anyway. I'm glad it's over. I lost money, but now there's not someone in a room judging whether my payments are "real" or not, whether they count or not toward this $$ that was already set aside.

And I'm really fucking excited to go to acupuncture today & after the receptionist asks, "Do you need a receipt?" I can say, "no."
GOODBYE PAPER.
Once I get my last reimbursement via check, I'm really really looking forward to recycling ALL of the paper bills I've got lying around, just in case I need to ~prove~ anything.

It makes me think a lot about health & how it's paid for & who's guilted for what. Even with some of the things that could be covered, like the massage - in order to get reimbursed, it was all, "Oh I'd better have an appointment to have a doctor confirm that my pain is real & that a massage would actually help so that they'll reimburse me!" Fuck that. I booked the appointment anyway.

My provider's having some kind of thing where I could get $100 for getting a blood pressure screening & talking with someone about ~health issues.


I'm starting to figure out that sometimes, even when things might eventually save me money, it's better for my anxiety about my body & conversations about my health to say, "no, thanks."